walking

Not being able to use my leg in the past 4 weeks has become a great means of thankfulness for me. Now, that might not be what you'd expect, but realizing the amazing ability that I had to be able to simply walk is remarkable! I caught myself last night, as we were watching a movie, being amazed at how quickly people were able to move around! They didn't have to grab their crutches, get positioned, hobble over somewhere (and attempt to figure out a way to stick that object in their pocket), and then hobble back. I am so incredibly thankful for the gift that God has given us of two legs. And how blessed I am that I'm going to (Lord willing) be able to use these legs again! Even that I can use at least one of them now!
Reflecting on Psalm 103:14, which says that

[God] knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.

I realized how much I feel like I'm made of dust. Dust isn't strong, it can't bear any weight, can't really do anything. Having a leg that doesn't work makes me weak, I can't walk, and can't do a whole lot (I am doing more and more though!). I don't know what I'd be like now if I hadn't had the knowledge that an all-powerful God is watching over me, and he is aware of the fact that I am weak and helpless. That is one of the most comforting thoughts! I know that he will not give me any more than I can bear, and he will give me the strength to get through this.

We all are weak and helpless, regardless of surgeries or other physical abilities. Try as you might, no attempts at not sinning, good acts you do, kind things you say, you are a sinner. And in God's holy, just eyes, sin deserves eternal punishment. There is no way that you can save yourself; that is why Jesus came. Born on Christmas, as most people know, Jesus came in order to die a painful, torturous death, enduring all of God's eternal wrath in a span of time on the cross. And all you need to do now to be saved is trust in him... turn away from all your attempts, recognize that you are only dust, a sinner in need of grace. And Christ's blood will cleanse you!

Turn to him today!

a modest heart

I recently listened to Janelle Bradshaw's talk on modesty entitled "A Modest Heart."
What I found most interesting was that she continually focused on how modesty is really a heart issue, and not just rules about what and what not to wear. I found that really helpful, as I had not really thought of it that way before. Here are some other points I found helpful as well.

She was working from the chapter on modesty in CJ Mahaney's book "Worldliness," as well as from 1 Timothy 2:9-10:

likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

Here are some of those helpful questions for yourself and ideas:

• every Biblical conversation about modesty begins with the heart
• what does your wardrobe say about your heart? about your relationship with your Savior?
• what would someone discover about your heart if they met your closet before they met you?
• what desires motivate the way that you dress? (selfishness, craving for approval, desire for attention, lust?)
• clothing can be an evidence the gospel has changed your heart
• you can proclaim God's glory through what you wear to a watching world
• have no contradiction between the clothes you wear and the gospel you represent
  

osteochondritis.. and what happened in surgery

WARNING: for those of you who are like me and don't really like to hear what surgeons do, this might not be for you to read! but mind you, I'm one of those people, and I did write this myself...

I recently (wednesday) had surgery for my knee. Basically, there was a little piece of bone in the end of my knee that was loose, and has been loose for a couple of years now. But the doctor thought it would heal, if I didn't jump or run or jar it in any way. But then it started hurting when I bent my leg, which was unusual.. usually, if it hurt, it would be when my leg was fully extended. It also felt like something was snapping. The doctor thought that the piece must have come loose, that's why it was snapping- it was kind of flapping in the way of the joint.
So it was surgery time. Actually, first they took an MRI, and saw fluid behind the piece, as well as a couple of cists. The piece hadn't actually moved, but the doctor was pretty sure it was coming off by what he saw.
So now it was surgery time. First, the went in with a telescope, to look and be sure that it actually was breaking off. I guess it was, because then they opened up my knee, stuck a bunch of nails in the piece to hold it on to the rest of the bone, and then drilled a whole bunch of holes in the end of my bone. The reason that it came loose in the first place had something to do with a lack of blood flow, so the end of the bone got kind of dry and brittle. So by drilling the holes, the blood could flow back down into the end of the bone.
Anyways, now they've stitched it up, and my leg was first in a MASSIVE cotten bandage thing.. it was huge.. and I was covered in fluff! Now I have a brace from a couple inches below my bum to a couple inches above my ankle. I'm in this for 6 weeks, on crutches.


The most amazing part of all of this, though, has been the incredible "peace that passes all understanding" that I've found in the Lord. Every day, leading up to and after the surgery, I've had many, many fears, but the Lord has helped me through them all.
We've been memorizing Psalm 103 in church, and it has really been a blessing to me through this time as well (I only know part of it now though):

103:1 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
5 who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6 The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his acts to the people of Israel.
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
9 He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
13 As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
14 For he knows our frame; [1]
he remembers that we are dust.

15 As for man, his days are like grass;
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,
and its place knows it no more.
17 But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him,
and his righteousness to children's children,
18 to those who keep his covenant
and remember to do his commandments.
19 The Lord has established his throne in the heavens,
and his kingdom rules over all.

20 Bless the Lord, O you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his word,
obeying the voice of his word!
21 Bless the Lord, all his hosts,
his ministers, who do his will!
22 Bless the Lord, all his works,
in all places of his dominion.
Bless the Lord, O my soul!